Date: Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Time: 7:25 PM

LIFE IS A DRAMA.



Mummy and i went to eat breakfast on monday. throughout.. it was . i've no vocab to describe. but i felt hurt and bold at the same time. mummy keeps bringing up the FACT that she is gonna divorce dad.



and after our meal, i told her that i got something to tell her. and she insisted i tell her then.



I WANNA BE A CHRISTIAN.



and like usual, parents have a tys and she asked the frequently asked questions.



but things went normal?!? we continued shopping like nothing happened. and she told me she can't stop me even if she wants to.



then we went home and i went to take a nap. and then jie came in or should i say nightmare.

jie asked me about my faith and she said that mum was crying throughout.



i understand their worries. i understand them. my heart pains because i hurted them. but faith... it's something difficult to explain. IM NOT BRAINWASHED. i just believe.



so mum had cold war with me. i went to find cuifen and yan bing jie and cried uncontrollably.

and i decided i had to be firm.. or not i've to go through all this again.



so ytd. i went for training, met van,met the juniors and then ate dinner with them and min hui and went to abner's house.



then at 9.12pm. dad called and asked me why im not back at this time. and i was puzzled.. 9 is still so early. and i knew he knew.



so. i rushed home and went to bed straight away.



then jie came in again. and she cried aloud. it really pained me to she her being tortured because she is sandwiched. and i thank God for her. i really love her. because when mummy came in to hug her. and her only... she nudged her and came to hug me.



and mum kept shaking my hand and begging me to not do this. i almost relented. i just kept mum and kept crying.



then i moved to jie jie's room and it then continued. but mum touched me now. and i nodded when they said that i can keep my faith and go only when im older. no church for now.



i blamed God. i mean i thought you said that you won't let me bear more than i could. why was i tempted to relent. and presenting all this threat and pain.. which is my weakness.. isn't it equivalent to me having no choice. because i wouldn't say yes....



and today morning, mum left me a letter again and wrote in chinese something abt going church when im 21.



so i was already thankful though saddened.



and then later she called. she said i could go to church but only get baptised when im 21. and only then will she consider.



i just cried and cried. im so happy. but i hope mummy will also find comfort. and not continue to hurt....